Dallas-Suffering

Chastity is not everything it is cracked up to be.

Or, alternatively, it is EVERYTHING it is cracked up to be.

It is a distraction, for every time I think of her, I think of the cage, even when I think of her in a non-sexual way.

Just thinking of her makes me think of the cage which makes me swell, just slightly, which makes things tight, which makes me have to stop thinking of that thing.

And I think about her all the time.

Chastity is very emasculating.

Maybe that's the purpose, or one of them.

Anytime I think like a boy I know there is nothing I can do that a boy can do, not with the cage.

It is emasculating, and for someone like me, it is feminizing.

We talked last night; she was exhausted. They started at 7 am and went to 6 pm and then some of them went to dinner (there are like 30 something people in her "class" and they broke up into smaller groups for dinner.)

And I hear Dallas is having some bad weather, so there was that to deal with.

She sounded exhausted. Not surprising.

She likes her roommate, Erin.

She found herself sitting next to one guy she did not like at dinner last night, Mike or something from Washington, who she formed a bad impression from conference calls she has had that he was on.

She said he leaned over to her and was so bold as to touch her arm and tell her he felt like he made his first friend down there.

I found that fascinating, since she seemed not to like him, and asked, did you change your impression of him.

She said she wasn't sure.

And I suffered. A totally innocent conversation with a business colleague and all I can think about is that he is hitting on her and I'm swelling, and fucking excited, yet I don't want to be. Sometimes I don't want to be excited thinking about the love of my life flirting with some guy. Why'd he think he made a friend in one day? Because she flirts, whether she means to or not, she flirts and guys take that as an opening to flirt back, thinking her flirting is an invitation to fucking.

It isn't. Or usually isn't.

I trust her.

Totally.

But I went to sleep in some discomfort, swelling in the cage.